Condolences...

I could go all day just talking about these people but somehow another death triggered my emotions... I give my condolences for all the people that they left and somehow by writing this blog I am giving a tribute to all these wonderful people. They who have done good in the lives that they lead and for this reason I can say that black roses is indeed for this occasion. Black roses signify farewelland it also signifies rebirth so, maybe when we say farewell that person will rebirthed in a another persona that we will never imagine one would have. So, maybe death is a good thing. Maybe, it's a way of finding peace. Maybe, in this way, someone would finally be laid to rest.

The following people, although I may not know who they are, seems very important to someone else:

Francis Durango Magalona

Farrah Leni Fawcett

Michael Joseph Jackson

Maria Corazon Cojuangco-Aquino

These people are legends and I hope no one forgets them for I believe all people has good traits in them and everyone had done something good in our lives...

Teachers...

Teachers are people who teach, right? Teach you lessons that you need to learn to help you understand. The first one you can talk to, your second parent. Your confidant, your diary. Someone who never loses patience, someone who can comprehend on your matters. Aren't they?

Teachers are people to teach not the people who dictate...

They teach you lessons that you need to learn to help you understand not to make you understand...

The first one you can talk to, your second parent not someone to be the last person you want to see...

Your confidant, your diary not someone who will make you feel bad.

Someone who never loses patience, someone who can comprehend on your matters not someone who is easily mad and mess on your matters...

There is a difference, right?

They are cruel, heartless, cold-blooded monsters not teachers...

Pressure...

what is pressure? well... here is a dictionary meaning for you...

1. A force that compels
2. The act of pressing; the exertion of pressure
3. The state of demanding notice or attention
4. he somatic sensation that results from applying force to an area of skin
5. An oppressive condition of physical or mental or social or economic distress
6. To cause to do through pressure or necessity, by physical, moral or intellectual means
7. Exert pressure on someone through threats

I find it funny, on how i define 'pressure' here is my list... wanna see? go on...

1. school
2. parents
3. money
4. books
5. classmates
6. sponsors
7. voices
8. words
9. life

i can't define the direct meaning of it, well, at least for me... it just piles up then it all goes down to my shoulder... what a heavy load, eh? well that's just for me... i think the list pretty much explains it...but if someone is reading this, i would just like to know, for you, what is pressure?

Last Night...

well, the title meant 'this is my last night on the computer for a long time.'...I'm changing the title of this one to black roses it just felt right... you know how you tell the truth...and be hated because you said it...you know when you're between right and wrong and when you chose to push what you think was right...then, you get all the anger they have because you chose to do the right thing...have you ever thought that maybe if you haven't done that you wouldn't have changed another fragment of your future? the future holds no promises but they hold future, right? once you reached this point in life where you imagine that that is your future then? after that is still another future right? maybe after death, there is still future right? so now, why don't we make our desicions with thinking about now? just now. the future isn't always certain and i surely never have come across a person who planned their life beforehand and achieved it without changing anything...i'm pretty sure there isn't a manual for living a perfect life... well, if you see one i'd gladly accept it if you give it to me free... i mean, the future can always change, a singer can always falter, an actress can miss her lines, a painter might miss a stroke, a pilot can always crash and don't people always die? it's the same routine but it's not the same person not the same tears, experiences, we're in different cars but we're always on the same road... you know i don't believe in dead ends because when you push through wall there's another road ahead, right? there are billions of stars out there yet they're on the same sky, countless planets but in the same universe...i've never looked at the world in this point of view until now... unraveling answers doesn't that sound exciting? discovering another part of yourself somewhere deep down where an unknown part is not reached...somewhere in the same body you'll find another part...this quote uhmmm...this really perked something in me although the quote was already at the back of my mind...'people never fail, they just give up'... i don't know, i never failed badly in my life but this struck a cord...why? you just can't help to ask right? why? 'why am i made like this?' 'why don't they love me?' 'why is the world mad at me?' people ask this questions but they never found answers...why?

we walk down every road not knowing what when will we see in the end? what will we see in the end? i guess that doesn't matter right? so why don't we leave riddles unsolved? question unanswered? why don't we just continue walking and maybe someday, we'll find the end of the road...i wrote this tonight because this was the last night i would be able to write freely... not minding what's right or wrong? not minding true or false? but maybe tonight will be the night that i let go of all this and face the present without the far for what will come in the future... i hope this is the last night that i will be haunted by the future...i hope this is the last night...

the black rose this time signifies me again but with writing how it changed my life...

the living hell with a bucket of blood and cold ice

June 5 is the official start of the Living Hell year, if you want to reserve a seat please call the number on your screen...

pretty sarcastic? I think so too... classes will start by that time and the pressure starts like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped on your head...and now I'm looking like someone crazy as i looked at the bucket filled with ice and water was slowly being poured in it...you know the color of the water was red...blood-red...that stands for the pressure they put on me, the effort I give then all being dumped back on me again...the bucket was black..raven-black...represents sadness and disappointment...by me...and them...disappointment because they won't understand even in my own little ways...sadness because they'll never understand even if i plucked up the courage to tell them straight on...they wouldn't understand anyway...why would i waste my time on something that i know myself wouldn't succeed?...and lastly to complete the hell...ice...clear-ice...I just said hell didn't i? well, hell is supposed to be a very hot place, right? like a burning flame...but ice represents happiness...i once heard that if happiness had a shape it would be glass...why?...because you may not see it but it's there...just like clear ice...you may not see it but it's there...but in my case it's ice because, like i said, hell is a very hot place and ice can be easily melted...so even if I'm drenched in blood-red water and even if my face was covered by a raven-black bucket, at least, I tasted a refreshing feeling even it wa sfor a second i tasted happiness, victory and ultimate bliss...

But then again ice easily melts in hell, right? maybe it already melted before i had the chance to taste it and before I could feel the bliss that i wanted for a long time in my living hell...

repeat...

don't you get tired when people repeat the same thing over and over again? don't you feel odd and just want to shout at then tell them you already understand? they just wouldn't stop and they have to repeat it again...it seems, for me, that they don't trust you...that they can't be satisfied with what you can do...it's just frustrating to think that they, think, that they know you enough and yet they don't trust you enough...so io just thought that what if, I repeated the same mistake to them...I don't know what will they feel if they were the one in my situation... Sometimes, I think did they really go through this much? Do they think it's not enough? not enough to prove to them that I value the trust that they give me but if they can't see it then so do I... If they can't value who I am then so be it...I won't value their trust either...I think they just simply don't understand me...it's really simple... it's just they don't trust me and they won't want to... it's just they don't trust me and they won't want to... Hey, didn't I just repeat that? isn't it irritating, to repeat it all? over and over and over and over again? would you repeat that?

who am i?

well basically i'm nobody... a simple obedient girl, smart, yes, i am smart but not smart enough for anybody...they say i'm jolly but that's what they say...that isn't me...that is what they think i am... i know i am dumb for starting this blog because probably i'm only able to update once every two months after may...but i just felt like writing something that came off my heart not my notebook... i guess this is what i am...i'm 11 turning 12 soon...can you believe i'm only 11? well, i can't either... hmmmmm....anyway, i'm studying of course, in what i can say a nice school...nice enough because of dramatic over reacting teachers... i can't imagine someone as nosy... they're hilarious! i am an average girl i can say...and i'm not yet a lady but i'm someone that is different...different from everbody...they always asked what they want...i want to be normal...i don't want to be a smart-girl everyone looked up to! i want to start from scratch...to start from nothing and work my way to the top! i didn't want to be like this! i never dreamed for it! yet, this is how i'm turning to be... i was supposed to write something off my notebook today but i guess i can't because it wouldn't make sense...enough about that i want to tell more... well, yeah i'm really in to writing i'm writing at 4 sites including this one and i don't have anybody reading my blogs so i guess it'll be okay...but if someone does i guess it is still okay...i don't know if i can be what you call a writer because i'm not good when i first started...i'll talk about writing in some other time! here's a picture on how will i be described...or that picure anyway.... that picture is what i describe as me...beautiful but a mask...they're black roses after all...the defiance of beauty yet melancholy...if you look at it it is beautiful but when you know its meaning it seems so painful...i'll see you! hmmm...diary?