well, the title meant 'this is my last night on the computer for a long time.'...I'm changing the title of this one to black roses it just felt right... you know how you tell the truth...and be hated because you said it...you know when you're between right and wrong and when you chose to push what you think was right...then, you get all the anger they have because you chose to do the right thing...have you ever thought that maybe if you haven't done that you wouldn't have changed another fragment of your future? the future holds no promises but they hold future, right? once you reached this point in life where you imagine that that is your future then? after that is still another future right? maybe after death, there is still future right? so now, why don't we make our desicions with thinking about now? just now. the future isn't always certain and i surely never have come across a person who planned their life beforehand and achieved it without changing anything...i'm pretty sure there isn't a manual for living a perfect life... well, if you see one i'd gladly accept it if you give it to me free... i mean, the future can always change, a singer can always falter, an actress can miss her lines, a painter might miss a stroke, a pilot can always crash and don't people always die? it's the same routine but it's not the same person not the same tears, experiences, we're in different cars but we're always on the same road... you know i don't believe in dead ends because when you push through wall there's another road ahead, right? there are billions of stars out there yet they're on the same sky, countless planets but in the same universe...i've never looked at the world in this point of view until now... unraveling answers doesn't that sound exciting? discovering another part of yourself somewhere deep down where an unknown part is not reached...somewhere in the same body you'll find another part...this quote uhmmm...this really perked something in me although the quote was already at the back of my mind...'people never fail, they just give up'... i don't know, i never failed badly in my life but this struck a cord...why? you just can't help to ask right? why? 'why am i made like this?' 'why don't they love me?' 'why is the world mad at me?' people ask this questions but they never found answers...why?
we walk down every road not knowing what when will we see in the end? what will we see in the end? i guess that doesn't matter right? so why don't we leave riddles unsolved? question unanswered? why don't we just continue walking and maybe someday, we'll find the end of the road...i wrote this tonight because this was the last night i would be able to write freely... not minding what's right or wrong? not minding true or false? but maybe tonight will be the night that i let go of all this and face the present without the far for what will come in the future... i hope this is the last night that i will be haunted by the future...i hope this is the last night...
the black rose this time signifies me again but with writing how it changed my life...
